Paranoia
by Thirteenth-Spider
Summary: Kura x Kuro yes, I support this more than the LeoPika pairing. Kurapika finally catches Kuroro, but both parties are now haunted by their past. Setting: last episodes of the first OAV. AngstHumor. 1st chapter's angst, 2nd chapter's a spoof of the first.
1. Paranoia

Disclaimer: I do not own Hunter x Hunter. Come on, I'm just a high school student! How the hell am I supposed to own something like that?!  
  
Author's Rampage: WAAAHHHH!!! I'm writing a Kuroro x Kurapika! I'm writing a Kuroro x Kurapika! I've always told myself (and a certain fellow fan fic writer) that this pairing is sooo bogus! I mean, come on, Kuroro x Kurapika? Hello!  
  
Well, here I am writing the same thing I dismissed as total crap. At least it's angst. If it ain't angst, then you'll see me vomiting, specifically projectile vomiting, right on my computer monitor.  
  
Stupid fan fics! They get into my head and won't leave me alone 'til I've written them! I'm beginning to think it's some kind of psychic intervention on my brain by someone in the spirit world because it's not my style to write this kind of crap!!!  
  
Author's notes: This happens right after the first OVA, where Kurapika fainted at the end. (Geez! What a weakling!)  
  
Legend: - own thought; {words} - some freakishly weird voice  
  
Paranoia  
  
"Kurapika! Get a hold of yourself! Kurapika!"  
  
"What happened?! Oh no, Kurapika! What happened to him?"  
  
"I don't know... he just fainted..."  
  
"KURAPIKA!!!"  
  
"Senritsu?"  
  
"I can hear... his heartbeat... it's... it's..."  
  
Darkness. Kurapika was suddenly engulfed in darkness...  
  
"His heartbeat's fading..." Senritsu whispers. "It's fading..."  
  
He opened his eyes. Nowhere. He was nowhere. "Oh, God, am I dead?" he asked himself. "If it's true, then where are all the flashbacks one is supposed to have when he dies? Is this my punishment? My punishment for..."  
  
{Kuroro...} The name echoed in the darkness. {Kuroro...}  
  
{Liar!} He heard many voices scream. {Liar! You said you will avenge us!!!}  
  
"I did..." he whispered feebly. "I destroyed him, didn't I? I destroyed the Spider. I ended their reign and I will continue on my quest to regain the red eyes that-"  
  
{Traitor! Traitor!} The voices wailed. {You let him live! You set him free! And the Spider... the Spider isn't dead!!!}  
  
"The Spider will die... it will not last long. And he, he should suffer in life more. That's why I let him live, without his Nen. So that he will suffer a life without power, helpless. He shall feel the bitterness of my hate."  
  
{Hate? Was it hate or was it compassion?}  
  
"i hate him." {You love him... that's why you didn't have the heart to...}  
  
"SHUT UPPP!!!!"  
  
{Liar! Traitor!} The voices shouted in unison. Then the darkness was broken, by images of the past... Images of a young boy throwing rocks at the river.  
  
"This... was me... back then... before..."  
  
{That's right, before we died. Before they killed us... Before you led them to us...}  
  
"That's a lie!"  
  
The voices don't answer, and he heard his own words echo into the fading darkness. "A lie... a lie... a lie..."  
  
"I hate them," Kurapika said to himself as he angrily threw a rock on the river. "They expect too much from me! Study, exercise, tribal rituals... the same routine everyday! They say it will make me a better person, but I don't care! Perfect! Ch! I'll never be perfect!"  
  
"It's tough, isn't it?" he heard a voice say. He turned around and saw a beautiful raven-haired man. Raven hair and deep blue eyes, almost black. Sign that he wasn't a member of his tribe. Kurapika instinctively placed his hand on his kan. "Who are you?" he asked, glowering at the newcomer.  
  
The man calmly sat down beside him and smiled. "Such a judgmental person, aren't you? Are you going to strike me just because I'm not one of your tribesmen?" he said.  
  
"Why should I trust you?" Kurapika asked, not taking his hand off his weapon.  
  
"And why should I trust you?" the man asked back.  
  
Disgusted, Kurapika stood up and started walking away. "It's tough isn't it?" he heard the man say. "When everybody wants you to be perfect. But what's the use anyway? Why study when the most ignorant men in the world are the happiest? Why exercise when you know your body is just going to be another pawn in our warped society? Why perform those tribal rituals when your just lying to yourself thinking that it would make life better? And what's worse that they're striving hard for your perfection. You don't want it, but you take it anyway, because it's your duty to them..."  
  
Kurapika stopped in his tracks. Now here was a man that understood him, even though he's not one of them.  
  
"Good," said the man. "Does that mean I can talk to you, now?"  
  
Kurapika sat beside the man and asked back, "Why should you talk to me?"  
  
"Hey! Answering a question with another one is my style!" the man said, pouting childishly. Kurapika laughed.  
  
"That doesn't prove anything," Kurapika said. "Just that I've known him before the attack. So what?"  
  
{So what?} asked the voices. {I wonder what happened next? Hmmm... you were always happy since you met him. I wonder why?}  
  
He bit his lip and clenched his fists, mentally readying himself for the next taunts.  
  
{Isn't it great to be in love? Such a warm and fuzzy feeling enveloping you all over! Were his kisses warm and gentle? Or were they hot and passionate? Either way, it was fun wasn't it? And it was sooo nice... so nice that you bared out all your heart and soul to him, causing our destruction!!!}  
  
"SHUT UP!!!" he screamed, not being able to take the taunting any longer. "How can you say that when you don't even know me?!"  
  
The voices laughed. {Don't know you? Oh... you're wrong, Kurapika. We do know you, much more than you know yourself. Much, much more...}  
  
Looking outside from the window of the airship, Kuroro could see the bright lights of the buildings of York Shin standing out in the darkness of the nighttime sky. He saw another airship, a white one, going in the opposite direction. "Chain-user..." he whispered, clutching his chest. He felt the cold steel wrapped around his heart tighten. He bit his lip to ignore the pain.  
  
Again he stared out of the window. But the lights were gone, so was the white airship. The only thing left was the darkness, in the innermost depression of his mind.  
  
{Chain-user? Is that the only name you dare call him now?}  
  
Kuroro looked around him, but saw no one. "Who are you?" he asked.  
  
{I am the Spider.}  
  
"The spider?" he thought. "Wait a minute. Aren't I the..." His thoughts were broken by the change of scenery, white replacing the darkness where he once was.  
  
{Dancho... Dancho...} Shadows danced around Kuroro, whispering these words. And then they stopped... and began to take form...  
  
Three figures, one short... two tall. One of the tall men stood forward and knelt down. {Dancho...} he said. {You know we're always ready to serve you. Just say a word.} The other two just stood in silence, their round eyes staring inanimately at him.  
  
"Phinx... Coltopi... Bonorewolf..."  
  
Then the shadows changed again, this time into a purple-haired girl and a short man wearing a scarf.  
  
{Dancho, what are we going to steal now? Old books?} the girl asked. {You like old books.} {No, I think it's a game } the man said.  
  
{Game?}  
  
{The world's most expensive game, also the most dangerous. It will be auctioned off this year.}  
  
{But it's just a game... Hey, Dancho what are we going to steal now? Books? The game?}  
  
{It doesn't matter anyway. As long as we're in your command.}  
  
"Machi... Feitan..."  
  
The shadows danced again, forming a larger figure. A figure of a large man dressed in furs.  
  
{What?! All the items in the underground auction?! The entire mafia will be on our trail if we rob them... Rage can be seen in the man's eyes as he clenched his fists. I'm so excited, Dancho! Give me the orders! NOW! I want to kill them all!} The man gave out a triumphant roar and vanished.  
  
"Ubogin..."  
  
{Dancho?} A blonde teen-ager stood in front of him, holding a cell phone. {The preparations are ready for tonight's heist.}  
  
A large scarred man stood behind him, with a raven-haired girl by his side. {Dancho,} the man said. {Don't worry, we'll get those items back for sure.} The girl smiled.  
  
"Shalnark... Franklin... Shizuku..."  
  
{Dancho!!! } A crying samurai stood before him. {He killed Ubo!!! The chain- used killed my friend!!!}  
  
"Nobunaga..."  
  
The shadows danced faster... faster... and then slower... slower, until it took up it's next form.  
  
"Pakunoda..."  
  
The woman walked towards him. {Dancho... I'm sorry if I disobeyed your orders. I know the Spider always comes first but...} She placed her hand on Kuroro's cheek. {It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter if you hate me after this. It doesn't matter if you don't love me back. What's important is that you're safe, Dancho.}  
  
Kuroro closed his eyes to keep his tears from falling. {I love you, Kuroro... }he heard her whisper. He felt her lips brush against his. He placed his hand on top of hers and opened his eyes... but instead of Pakunoda... he saw...  
  
"Kurapika!" he said in astonishment, not believing what he was seeing. The boy smiled sadly at him... and then... the once tender caress on the man's cheek became an iron grip, the once smiling lips became a devious smirk... the once gentle eyes blazed an angry red... The shadows dispersed... and disappeared...  
  
"Are you sure it's alright?" asked Kuroro as Kurapika led him by the hand towards the Kuruta village. "The people are avoiding me like a plague."  
  
"It's okay," said Kurapika with a smile. "Our tribe is just suspicious of outsiders. I'm sure they'll welcome you warmly once they get to know you."  
  
A shadow crossed Kuroro's face. "Oh, is that so..." he whispered.  
  
"What's wrong Kuroro?" asked Kurapika.  
  
Kuroro stopped walking and raised an arm. "Attack," he whispered.  
  
Kurapika was confused. "An attack?! What's that all about? Kuroro, tell me!" Men suddenly appeared from out of nowhere and started massacring his tribesmen in front of his very eyes. He saw his brethren's eyes turn red... he saw them being torn off from their sockets. "Kuroro, what is the meaning of this? KURORO!!!"  
  
Kuroro smiled sadly as he gently kissed his young lover's lips. "I'm sorry, kid..." he whispered in his ear. "But this is the way things are supposed to be."  
  
"This is the way things are supposed to be..."  
  
These words lingered in Kurapika's mind as he remained in the state of paranoia.  
  
His heart was beating fast as he raced through the dark hallways.   
  
Darkness against darkness. I Kuroro... standing by the stairway, as if waiting for him, knowing that he'll come. He stopped, confused. He shook his head. But he just stood there, numb. For some weird reason, he can't seem to get the chain jail to shoot out from his hand.  
  
"What are you waiting for, Kurapika?" Kuroro asked.  
  
"Why?" he whispered back.  
  
The same gentle tone, the same haunting words. "This is the way things are supposed to be."  
  
"Yes," he nodded in agreement. The chains found out that they were free again, as they wrapped themselves around the loathed leader. "The way they are supposed to be..." They tightened themselves, giving Kuroro a full idea on Kurapika's feelings for him, an intense blend of hatred and love... the former stronger than the latter.  
  
"Why?" The damned question... echoing in Kuroro's mind...  
  
New moon. Alone in a hotel room. Alone with him, his blonde angel, his sweet avenger. Alone with his death. "Why?" he heard the boy whisper again. "Why?"  
  
Silence. Complete silence. Well, unless you count the traffic jam outside, the blasting music from the nearby casino and the drunken people in the bar below. But it doesn't matter, right?  
  
"Why?! Dammit!" screamed Kurapika in total frustration. "Tell me why you killed my tribesmen!"  
  
"..."  
  
A punch. But it didn't hurt, anymore. He's been punched so many times by Kurapika during the car trip that his cheeks were already oblivious to pain. Kuroro just stared numbly at Kurapika.  
  
"Why?!" He flinched... expecting another punch. Instead he was surprised to the boy plop down the floor and break into sobs. "Why, Kuroro? Why?"  
  
Kuroro felt his heart break. Funny, the thought didn't console him the way it used to.  
  
"Kuroro?" Again, looking at that beautiful helpless face. "Please," Kurapika whispered gently now, as if speaking any louder would just make him burst into tears. "Please tell me..."  
  
"Kurapika..." he said gently, relishing the way the name felt on his lips. How he longed to wipe away the boy's tears, to comfort him, to tell him that this was all just a nightmare, and nothing more. But he couldn't, he shouldn't. Doing so would just make matters worse. Instead, he just smirked. "You're still just my pawn, after all these years, still just my pawn..." he whispered mischievously.  
  
"Liar!" Kurapika screeched. "LIAR!!!" Kuroro couldn't help but laugh. Kurapika had always hated liars. Who wouldn't after what he did to him? He shook his head. "But it's true Kurapika... it's the truth this time..."  
  
"No... no..." Kurapika shook his head in disbelief. "I don't believe you!"  
  
"It's true..."  
  
Darkness.  
  
"Just my pawn..."  
  
"NOOOO!!!" Kurapika woke up from the nightmare, to find himself lain on a soft white bed. His clothes were changed, a glass of water was on the table beside him just incase he woke up and wanted a drink. And on the couch on the other side of the room sat Leorio.  
  
"Kurapika?" Leorio sat down on the side of Kurapika's bed. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Leorio..." Kurapika said, tears pouring down from his eyes. "Leorio..."  
  
"Are you alright, Kurapika?" Leorio asked again, as he ran his hand gently through Kurapika's soft blonde hair.  
  
"Leorio!" Kurapika cried as he flung himself on the older man's chest. "It was horrible!" he sobbed. "Horrible!"  
  
Leorio wrapped his arms around Kurapika and whispered into his ear. "Yes, I know... I know..."  
  
"I want to forget, Leorio!" Kurapika begged. "Please help me forget!" He closed his eyes as he felt Leorio's lips press against his. I want to forget... I want to forget it all....  
  
The door closes silently.  
  
Kuroro stared at the nighttime sky from the window of his airship. The nighttime sky, where it was supposed to be dark and the whole city was supposed to be asleep. Instead, the sky glittered with unnatural stars, and the city never rests. While looking at this aberration of nature, a thought crossed Kuroro's mind. Somehow, this wasn't the end he had hoped for. And what happened, it wasn't the way things were supposed to be. This really wasn't the way it was supposed to end.  
  
...END...  
  
(June 13, 2003... Friday the Thirteenth. The perfect night to stay up late and finish such a psychotic fic. Why didn't I post this earlier? Because I'm a baka neko!!!)  
  
Self criticism!!! Yey! I'm gonna flame myself before they get a chance to flame me!!!  
  
Okay, question. How many times was Kuroro kissed here? Answer: Two times! One by... err... somebody... and the other when he kissed Kurapika! Another question. How many times was Kurapika kissed here? Answer: Two times! One by Kuroro and one by Leorio! God! I think I overdid the kisses! I hope this doesn't sound like a sucky Fushigi Yuugi or telenovela episode. Again, with the telenovelas! How come I always end up writing like 'em?  
  
Speaking of Kurapika and kisses, ever wonder why put in a shounen-ai story, Kurapika always ends up to be the biggest bitch in the history of Hunter x Hunter? Well, maybe next to Neon, but still... he is such a bitch!  
  
Next problem. The ending. The ending sucked and I know it. I dunno, I just don't like it. Maybe other people will... but me? It sounded like a good paragraph when I wrote it down, but once I read it... ewww! Sappy!  
  
The ending ended up that way because I was committing suicide. I was all like "Argh! I can't take this fic anymore! I want to end it all now!" Yeah, that explains why it sucks.  
  
Oh, and I'm also prone to adding freaky symbolisms like the new moon, the darkness against darkness thing and the aberration of nature part. These words may seem like nothing to you, but they do so have a meaning! Well... I dunno why I keep adding these symbolisms. Maybe it's just my arrogance getting the best of me again.  
  
The part where Kurapika and Kuroro were talking by the riverside... I was supposed to revise the ending. Never did. Too lazy. The slight/corny humor part seems a bit out of place in this angsty fic. Or maybe it does have its place after all. Without it, this fic would be just too angsty.  
  
Too many unanswered questions. Why did the Geneiryodan kill the Kuruta tribe? What the hell did Kuroro mean by the way things are supposed to be? Why is Kurapika still just Kuroro's pawn? Why did I leave these questions unanswered? Well, that's because I don't have an answer. I just added them to make the plot... err... weirder.  
  
Kurapika ended up to be a bitch, a weakling, a pathetic fairy princess. Yeah! Let's sing the "Fairy Song"! (to the tune of "Pop Goes the Weasel") He doesn't go round with the girls anymore! He doesn't want to play! He just stays at home and plays with himself! Whee! He's a fairy!  
  
Okay, fine. I remember F. Sionil Jose (some Filipino writer) saying something like once you made a character and you gave him a soul, you sometimes can't make the characters act the way you want anymore because they already have a mind of their own. Ohh... so that's why Kurapika became a fairy princess.  
  
Yeah, and about Kuroro. Somehow I'm using him as an outlet of my own psychotic views on life. What he said on his conversation with Kurapika... the one about studying and exercise... just change the words "tribal rituals" into "religious beliefs" and you've got my view on education, religion and people who want you to study. Oh yeah, I'm psychotic!  
  
About the Leorio and Kurapika part... (smirks) I was supposed to add some more... err... spicy stuff... NO! No bed scenes, you idiot! Although, technically this is a bed scene, they were on the bed. But they weren't doing anything! Oh no no no! Anyway, about the spicy stuff, I decided not to add it. I don't want this to end-up R-rated or something.  
  
Speaking of ratings, did I rate it right? It seems a bit too hot for PG-13 (my opinion) and like hell it ain't rated R! Although you could add a few R scenes in between chapters... (perverted smirks)  
  
Overall, I find this fic too angsty, a bit too hot, really weird and... God, Kurapika's a fairy! Looks to me like a result of third-rate telenovelas, Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles, listening to too much J-pop, and lack of sleep. After reading and re-reading this fic... I would have never believed I wrote this. In fact, I don't think I was myself while writing this... Wicked!  
  
Err... did I leave anything more for you guys to comment? I don't care if you write the same thing (as long as it's not the exact same thing) on your review, just please review! Flames are tolerated but please remember to have mercy on the baka neko writer (me!).  
  
Thanks to/ No thanks to my many inspirations: Linkin Park's "Papercut" (what placed this fic in my mind in the first place), Hime-chan (Err... Kuroro's gay... don't kill me...), ShinigamiDeathscytheHell (Thanks for proofreading, you're the first person who ever gave me a decent comment on my fics.), Tarsier (Give me back my original print out!), Mikaella88(Thanks for teaching me the fairy song!!!), Kurapika Lucifer (She's also a writer here in fanfiction.net, just guess which one!!!), Anne Rice (Err...), Velvet manga (www.redhalos.com, where I got the lines "I want to forget... please help me forget... The artist/writer of this comic is also a fanfiction.net writer, again, guess...) etc. 


	2. Bloopers!

Usual disclaimers apply.  
  
Author's notes: I can't help thinking stupid thoughts while writing this. Basically because I'm not really into writing serious shounen-ai. So...  
  
Paranoia Bloopers!  
  
Blooper 1: Leorio and Kurapika  
  
Leorio: Kurapika! Get a hold of yourself! Kurapika!  
  
Kurapika: (quickly sits up) Leorio! You're disgusting!  
  
Leorio: Hey! Aren't you supposed to be in a coma?  
  
Kurapika: Not when you're spitting all over me, you idiot! And your breath stinks too!  
  
Leorio: My breath stinks? Well, I guess it's because of the garlic bread I ate.  
  
Kurapika: Your disgusting! (slaps Leorio and leaves)  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 2: Leorio and Kurapika, again.  
  
Leorio: Kurapika! Get a hold of yourself! Kurapika!  
  
Kurapika: (quickly sits up) You PERVERT!!!  
  
Leorio: Why what were you thinking, anyway?  
  
Kurapika: (blushes) Nothing... nothing...  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 3: Gon and Kurapika  
  
Gon: (comes running into the room) KURAPIKA!!! Oops! (trips and falls over Kurapika) Sorry, Kurapika.  
  
Kurapika: ouch...  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 4: Leorio and Senritsu  
  
Leorio: (grave face) Senritsu...  
  
Senritsu: I chan hir... hish hartbesht...  
  
Leorio: What?  
  
Senritsu: Hish hartbesht...  
  
Leorio: WHAT?!  
  
Senritsu: Damn... (takes off her buckteeth) His heartbeat, you fool! His heartbeat!  
  
Leorio: Waaahhhh!!! The midget's so mean! (runs away crying)  
  
Senritsu: (shakes fist) And don't you dare come back, you buffoon!  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 5: Kurapika and Kuroro  
  
Kurapika: (walking away)  
  
Kuroro: It's tough isn't it? When... when... what was it again? (takes out script) Oh, here it is!  
  
Kurapika: (sweatdrops)  
  
Kuroro: Ehem... It's tough isn't it? When everybody wants you to be perfect. But what's the use anyway? Why study when the most in... ingo... ingoranet... (blinks eyes) What is this word? Ingorant?  
  
Kurapika: (vein pop) It's ignorant, you fool! Ignorant!  
  
Kuroro: It's such a hard word... Why do I have to speak hard words?  
  
Kurapika: Because you're supposed to talk that way!  
  
Kuroro: (whines) But I don't wanna speak hard words. I wanna be a fairy princess... or a Sailor Senshi... Why can't I be a Sailor Senshi? Wear short skirts... have cute attack names...  
  
Kurapika: ARGH! I can't work like this!!! Hey, Thirteenth_Spider! Come here!  
  
TS: Yep! What is it?  
  
Kurapika: Why do I have to work with this... SPIDER!  
  
TS: Well, it's the whole plot of this story.  
  
Kurapika: But he's an idiot! Why aren't I paired with Leorio or with Killua?! Or maybe even Hysoka?! Why HIM?!  
  
TS: Because I want to... (smirks)  
  
Kurapika: I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS!!! I'm going to my dressing room! (leaves)  
  
Kuroro: (cries) WAAAHHHH!!! I wanna be a Sailor Senshi! I wanna be a Sailor Senshi!  
  
TS: (groans) Wait a minute... does Kurapika have a dressing room? I don't remember providing him with one... (smirks)  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 6: Voices in the Darkness  
  
Voices: Isn't it great to be in love? Such a warm and fuzzy feeling enveloping you all over! Were his kisses warm and gentle? Or were they hot and passionate?  
  
Kurapika: (blushes) Well... actually... he doesn't kiss me.  
  
Voices: What? But- but-  
  
Kurapika: He goes right on to what happens next, the good stuff. He's a Scorpio, y'know. (hearts for eyes) He'd take me in his arms and...  
  
TS: CUT!!! CUT!!! This is not an NC-17 fic!  
  
Kurapika: It's not?  
  
TS: Yes!  
  
Kurapika: Damn, I was looking forward too...  
  
TS: (thwacks Kurapika) SHUT UP!!! (cries) Oh... my poor innocent mind!  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 7: Voices in the Darkness  
  
Voices: Don't know you? Oh... you're wrong, Kurapika. We do know you, much more than you know yourself. Much, much more... Your birthday is in April 4, an Aries, blood type AB...  
  
Kurapika: How did you know that?  
  
Voices: We're a member of your fan club!  
  
Kurapika: Really? So, do you have a lock of my hair given to each member of the club?  
  
Voices: Yes we do! We even have a picture of you before the fan club started! (shows picture of Kurapika with long hair)  
  
TS: Hey, cool! (rushes in the scene and looks at the pic) Kurapika, you look good with long hair! What happened?  
  
Kurapika: The fan club happened. I didn't expect to have that many fans.  
  
TS: Oh! Can I join the club too?  
  
Kurapika: Sure! Just let me get some scissors and I'll get you a lock of my hair.  
  
TS: No need. (takes out a large scythe) I'll use this instead!  
  
Kurapika: (sweatdrops) Uhmm... Thirteenth_spider, I think that's a bit too much.  
  
TS: No way! I'll get your hair with this... along with your head! Nyahahaha! Kuruta eyes are much more expensive with the head intact! Nyahahahaha!  
  
Kurapika: (runs for his life) YAAAHHHH!!!  
  
TS: (chases after him, swinging her scythe around) Nyahahahahaha!!!  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 8: Kuroro and The Spider  
  
Kuroro: (looks around him) Who are you?  
  
Spider: I am the Spider  
  
Kuroro: Oh! Hi Spider! I'm Kuroro!  
  
Spider: Hi Kuroro!  
  
Kuroro: Hey, do you like the role they gave to you?  
  
Spider: (whines) Noo! I wanted to be a Powerpuff Girl! I don't wanna be some voice in the darkness!  
  
Kuroro: Yeah! I wanted to be a Sailor Senshi but the authoress won't let me!  
  
Spider: Isn't she the meanest?!  
  
Kuroro: I don't like her! (sticks tongue out)  
  
TS: Hey! I'm here you know?!  
  
Spider and Kuroro: Oops!  
  
TS: Grrrr....  
  
Spider and Kuroro: Run for it!!! (runs, although I don't know how a voice in the shadows could run...)  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 9: Kuroro and the Shadows  
  
Shadows: (dancing around) Okashira... Okashira... (forms into four men, a muscular one, a fat one, a short one and a masked one)  
  
Kuroro: Beshimi... Shikijo... Hyotoko... Hanya...  
  
TS: (runs and hugs Hanya) Hanya-san!!!  
  
Killua: (whispers to Leorio) I didn't know our authoress has a thing for ugly masked men.  
  
TS: I heard that! And for your information, I do not have that kind of feelings for Hanya... I just think he's the best member of the Oniwabanshuu ever! (faces Hanya) Ne, Hanya, why are you guys here?  
  
Hanya: Huh? Isn't this the scene where we haunt Aoshi Shinomori?  
  
TS: No! This is Hunter x Hunter!  
  
Hanya: Oh! (calls out to his comrades) Come on, guys! We're in the wrong studio! (disappears)  
  
Shikijo: Again! Last time we were in the set of Yuu Yuu Hakusho! (disappears)  
  
Beshimi and Hyotoko: (disappears)  
  
Kuroro: (whines, again) I wanna be a Sailor Senshi!  
  
TS: Oh, SHUT UP! (whacks Kuroro)  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 10: Shadow Dance  
  
The shadows danced faster... faster...  
  
Shadow 1: (bumps into Shadow 2)  
  
Shadow 2: Ouch! (bumps into Shadow 3)  
  
Shadow 3: Hey! Watch where you're going!  
  
Shadow 4: (steps on Shadow 1's foot)  
  
Shadow 1: Hey! That hurt, twinkle toes!  
  
Shadow 2: Look who's talking! You're the one who bumped into me!  
  
Shadow 1: I wouldn't have bumped into you if you weren't in my way!  
  
Shadow 2: WHAT?!  
  
Shadow 1: So you wanna fight, huh?!  
  
Shadow 2: Yeah!  
  
Shadow 3: Well, you're going to have to fight with me too, Shadow 2! You bumped into me!  
  
Shadow 4: And Shadow 1's also going to have to face me!  
  
Shadows: (start beating each other up)  
  
....and then slower... slower...  
  
Shadow 1: (walks in a disoriented way and faints)  
  
Shadow 2: (faints)  
  
Shadow 3: (blows on Shadow 4's face)  
  
Shadow 4: (tumbles down)  
  
Shadow 3: (peace sign) Victory! (faints)  
  
TS: (groans) Where can I find talented shadow dancers now that my dancers are out of commission?! (hits head on the wall)  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 11: THE KISS!!! Yeah, baby! Yeah!  
  
Kuroro closed his eyes to keep his tears from falling. I love you, Kuroro... he heard her whisper. He felt her lips brush against his. He placed his hand on top of hers and opened his eyes... but instead of Pakunoda... he saw...  
  
Kuroro: Hysoka?!  
  
Hysoka: Yo! (peace sign)  
  
Kuroro: (spits) Pwe! Pwe!  
  
TS: Hysoka?! You're not in this fic!  
  
Hysoka: (places hand on hips) SoOoOo?  
  
Kuroro: (barfing)  
  
TS: (looks at Kuroro) I almost feel sorry for the guy-  
  
Hysoka: Oh, really?  
  
TS: NAH! (pats Hysoka on the back) Nice job, Hysoka! NOW, GIT!!! (kicks Hysoka out of the fic)  
  
Hysoka: Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again! (disappears)  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 12: Kuruta Village  
  
Kuroro: Are you sure it's alright? The people are avoiding me like a plague.  
  
Kurapika: (smiles sweetly) It's okay. Our tribe is just suspicious of outsiders. I'm sure they'll welcome you warmly once they get to know you.  
  
Kuroro: (shadow) Oh, is that so...  
  
Kurapika: (concern) What's wrong Kuroro?  
  
Kuroro: (stops) I have to go to the bathroom! (whimpers) Kurapika: (sweatdrops) Thirteenth_spider! Kuroro's being stupid again! (runs to find the authoress)  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 13: Go Chain Jail! Go!  
  
He stopped, confused. He shook his head. Why the hell am I stopping? I should attack him now! Attack him before he gets me! But he just stood there, numb. For some weird reason, he can't seem to get the chain jail to shoot out from his hand.  
  
Kurapika: What the?! Go, chain jail! (raises hand... nothing happened) Oh, shit! Go chain jail! (puts hand in a thumbs up position, still nothing.) Fly chain jail! (waves hand, still nothing!) Fly! (wiggles finger with chain jail, still nothing.) Awww! Dammit! (puts hand in a patented Spiderman position, web shoots from his hand) Hey cool!  
  
Kuroro: Ewww!!! It's a web! It's so sticky-icky!  
  
Kurapika: Shut up! Yeah! I'm Spiderman! (shoots web and starts swinging around)  
  
Change of scenery... On top of a tall building, Kurapika is squatting on a thin flagpole.  
  
Kurapika: Who am I? (pause for added effect) I'm Spiderman.  
  
TS: (drops a can of beer ) God, I gotta stop drinking.  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 14: Punch line  
  
Kurapika: (punches Kuroro) Owww!!! (looks at swelling fist)  
  
Kuroro: Hehehe...  
  
Kurapika: My hand! My beautiful, soft and silky hand! How dare you!  
  
Kuroro: Bwahahahaha!!!  
  
Kurapika: Ugh! (gets some lotion) It's going to take a lot of moisturizing to get this hand back in shape! Oh, my beautiful hand...  
  
TS: (in the background, looks at Kurapika weirdly) Dammit, I feel like such a fag...  
  
0o0  
  
Behind the Scenes: Hands, Face and Mind...  
  
Kuroro: (whimpering, feeling the hard bumps on his cheek) Thirteenth_spider, look what the Kuruta did to my beautiful face! How am I supposed to be Sailor Senshi now with such a bruise-covered face? And I'm missing some teeth too!  
  
TS: Oh, shut up and quit your whimpering lest I yank out more of your teeth from your beautiful... I think I'm gonna spew... face!  
  
Kuroro: (sticks tongue out) Meanie! (sobs) My face... he destroyed my beautiful face...  
  
Kurapika: (whimpering) My hand... my poor soft and silky hand...  
  
TS: (shakes head in disbelief) My mind... my poor innocent and battered mind...  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 15: Soft Blonde Hair  
  
Kurapika: (crying) Leorio... Leorio...  
  
Leorio: Are you alright, Kurapika? (runs hand through Kurapika's soft blonde hair) God, Kurapika! You're hair... it's so... so...  
  
Kurapika: (wipes tears) So what?  
  
Leorio: It's so soft!  
  
Kurapika: (sits up) Of course! I use "Gee, Your Terrific Hair Smells" shampoo and conditioner everyday!  
  
Leorio: (bends over to smell Kurapika's hair)Pechie-bye-golly Gee! You're right! You're terrific hair does smell! I'm going to use that shampoo too! But... I don't have enough money.  
  
Kurapika: Not to worry, Leorio! "Gee, Your Terrific Hair Smells" Shampoo is also sold in sachet packs, which only cost 2 jenis per sachet!  
  
Leorio: Wow! That's amazing! I'm going to buy some, right now!  
  
Kurapika: Don't forget to buy "Gee, Your Terrific Hair Smells" for armpit hair and you-know-where hair too!  
  
Leorio: Of course I won't! Now let's hurry into the nearest store before they run out of these wonderful products! (leaves)  
  
Kurapika: Hey, wait for me! (runs after Leorio)  
  
TS: Uhmm... guys? This wasn't supposed to be a shampoo commercial... Guys?  
  
0o0  
  
Blooper 16: Jealous of the one who finally found you...  
  
Leorio and Kurapika: (sitting in the bed... K-I-S-S-I-N-G!)  
  
TS: YADDDAAA!!! (pushes Leorio aside) Get off him, you freak!  
  
Leorio: (falls off the bed) Ow! What the hell did you do that for?!  
  
Kurapika: Uhmm... Thirteenth_spider, that kiss was in the script. You wrote it yourself, right?  
  
TS: (blushes) Yes... demooooo...  
  
Kura & Leo: What?  
  
TS: Argh! Never mind! (storms out the room)  
  
Leorio: What's wrong with her?  
  
Kurapika: (shrugs)  
  
0o0  
  
Aftermath: More Jealousy and Sailor Senshis!!!  
  
Kurapika: Mou! I just can't decide.  
  
Kuroro: Kurapika, you know your heart yearns for me...  
  
Leorio: Shut-up freak! Kurapika loves me!  
  
Kurapika: Mou! I just don't know!  
  
Leorio: Pick me, Kurapika! Pick me!  
  
Kuroro: No, me! This monkey doesn't deserve you!  
  
Leorio: MONKEY?!!! (evil glare)  
  
Kuroro: (returns evil glare)  
  
Leorio and Kuroro: (beat each other up)  
  
Killua: Hey, Kurapika, what about me? What about the times we shared together?  
  
Kurapika: (blushes) Oh, my!  
  
Hysoka: Kurapika... my fresh fruit...  
  
Kurapika: (blushes harder)  
  
Killua: Hey, who are you calling fresh fruit, freakazoid?!  
  
Hysoka: Hmmm... you're just jealous!  
  
Killua: That's it! I don't care if you're stronger than me! This means war!  
  
Hysoka and Killua: (beat each other up)  
  
Kurapika: (blushy-blush-blush) Boys, boys, please don't fight over me.  
  
TS: DAMEEEE!!!  
  
Everybody: (stops fighting and stares)  
  
TS: (grabs Kurapika) Kurapika's mine!  
  
Everybody: (in shock)  
  
Killua: Hey!  
  
TS: (snaps fingers, Gon suddenly appears)  
  
Gon: Huh? Where am I? (spots Killua) Killua!  
  
Killua: Gon! (runs to give Gon a hug)  
  
Hysoka: You may have bested the shrimp, but can you beat me?  
  
TS: (snaps fingers and Irumi suddenly appears)  
  
Hysoka: Irumi-chan!  
  
Irumi: (shakes head) Oh, no... (runs)  
  
Hysoka: Irumi-chan! (chases after Irumi)  
  
Leorio: Hey, cool! Can you make a lot of sexy chicks who are hopelessly in- love with me appear?  
  
TS: Sure! (snaps fingers and a lot of chicks appear)  
  
Chicken 1: (told you they were chicks) Look girls, he's a big one! (points at Leorio)  
  
Chicken 2: And he's so handsome! (hearts for eyes)  
  
Chicken 3: Ahhh... Leorio-sama! (swoons!)  
  
Leorio: (sweatdrops) This wasn't what I hoped for...  
  
Chicken 4: Let's get him, girls!  
  
Chickens: Yeah!  
  
Leorio: Waaaahhh!!! (runs)  
  
Chickens: (chases after Leorio... yeah, I know, this came from a Johnny Bravo episode...)  
  
TS: Now there's only you and me, Rapi-chan... (hugs)  
  
Kurapika: (sweatdrops) Yes, I know, Thirteenth_spider. But I don't have any feelings for you.  
  
TS: Don't worry! I'm the author of this fic and whatever I say goes! Let me just type that into my computer! (computer appears, Thirteenth_spider types rapidly)  
  
Kurapika: (sweatdrops)  
  
TS: There! Now you're hopelessly in-love with me! (computer disappears) Here we go! (snaps fingers)  
  
Kurapika: (hearts for eyes) Oh, lovely princess! I will bring you the stars and the moon, just say I word and I'll do it! I'll do anything for you! Everything you want me to!  
  
TS: (sweatdrops) A bit too obsessed and sappy... (smirks) But it doesn't matter, right? (standard fox-girl laugh) Ohohoho!!!  
  
Kuroro: (whimpers) What about me?! I still want to be a Sailor Senshi.  
  
TS: Aww! Alright already! Sheesh! (snaps fingers, Kuroro turns into a Sailor Senshi) There's happy now?  
  
Kuroro: Yey! Yey! I'm a Sailor Senshi!  
  
Kurapika: No fair! I wanna be a Sailor Senshi too!  
  
Leorio: Me three!  
  
Gon: Me four!  
  
Killua: Me five!  
  
Hysoka: Me six!  
  
Irumi: Me seven!  
  
TS: Aww! Alright! I wanna be a Sailor Senshi too, dammit! (snaps fingers, they all become Sailor Senshis)  
  
0o0  
  
End: This is the end, I swear! The last one!  
  
(All eight were standing on a wall, posed like Sailor Senshis)  
  
Kuroro: Alright... Let's go! Moon Cosmic Power!  
  
Kurapika: Mercury Star Power!  
  
Irumi: Mars Star Power!  
  
Hysoka: Venus Star Power!  
  
Leorio: Jupiter Star Power!  
  
Gon: Moon Prism Power!  
  
TS: Saturn Planet Power!  
  
All: Make-up! (All transform into Sailor Senshis... please have mercy and don't imagine the naked transformation sequences...)  
  
Kuroro: I am the Sailor Suited Soldier of love and justice, Sailor Moon! I shall punish you, in the name of the moon!  
  
(Sailor Moon Music: Moonlight Densetsu blasts into the scene)  
  
The End... finally... Stupid, isn't it?  
  
(June 13, 2003... Friday the Thirteenth... the perfect night to commit suicide because of all the stupidity caused.)  
  
Self-criticisms! As if the stupidity in this fic wasn't enough...  
  
Hmm... maybe I overdid the aftermath and ending part. But, mou! I was getting jealous, okay! Okay, not only did I overdo the jealousy part, but I also overdid the stupidity! Well, you'd probably end up stupid too if you stayed up late until eleven just to finish this fic!  
  
I have no more comments on this fic except that it's really stupid, and that some of my jokes were a bit green. 


End file.
